Rowan Spazzoli

Lets say I had the following choices this afternoon:

1. Go for a run or walk on the promenade and spend the evening reading a book
2. Play playstation for 4 hours.

If I was asked “which option would make you feel better” I would say option 1. Or if I was to say which one I wanted to do, I’d also say 1. And If I’d evaluated them objectively, option 1 would definitely have been the best for me.

But I chose option 2.

And so I spent the afternoon doing something I didn’t really want to do, that was objectively worse for me and didn’t help me feel better.

The Wrong Choice

I think that this is one of the things that frustrates me most about my psyche and the human psyche in general. We often know exactly what’s best for us. But will actively choose the worse option.

I’d love to investigate the reason for this. And understand why we can’t get ourselves to do something that we want to do.

I know that willpower can get us over this hurdle. But what happens when that’s run out?

If anyone knows the answer, please let me know 🙂

Image was taken on the promenade last year. On a happier note, the person in the picture is back in Cape Town!

Song of the day: Vanilla Twilight - Owl City

Blog 142/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

“You can’t help everyone Rowan”

I was chatting to my flatmate this evening when he said this to me. I’d been telling him about how I client was making a really poor decision. One that would cost them. But they weren’t going to change their minds and I found it immensely frustrating.

Objectively, I know it’s true. I can’t help everyone. But I still have a tendency to worry about things that I can’t change.

I try and help people as much as I can. And get annoyed when I’m not able to. And this annoyance can even manifest itself as guilt.

Out of control

I know that this is because I think that I have much more power than I have in reality. I believe that I am responsible for so much more than just myself

But there is so much that is out of my control.

And as much as it’s good to help people, we can’t help everyone. Try your best, but don’t let it impact you when you’re unable to help

Image is of the magnificent storm we had in Cape Town today.

Song of the day: Embody - Lost and Found

Blog 137/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

When we’re in school, there are a multitude of people that can guide us through the ups and downs. Our parents have been through school, older siblings are just ahead of us, teachers know the playing field. But as we grow older there are less people that have followed our same journey. Neither of my parents have lectured before. My siblings are entirely different fields to me. And so it becomes important to find a mentor.

I had a conversation about this with a friend today. We chatted about how a mentor can be a person that helps guide you through your development. And that you can have more than one mentor. One at the same age as you, one a little older and one towards the end of their career.

Asking someone to be your mentor may seem a little weird. But they’re likely to be more than willing to take you on. They’ll be able to give advice, share lessons and link you up with people. In doing this, they may also benefit from being in contact with someone with a different generational perspective.

So if you’re a young professional, see if you can get someone to be your mentor. And if you’re in a more senior professional, maybe offer to mentor someone if you feel they’d benefit from it 🙂

P.S here's a nice little article on mentoring

Image is of the hotel where we had a meeting this morning.

Song of the day: Shine on me - Watershed

Blog 136/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

This evening I met up with my great uncle for dinner (he’s my mum’s uncle or my gran’s brother. He’s also actually pretty great. He’s also know as our muncle, as he’s a monk and our uncle). We had an in depth discussion around having an impact on the world and the decisions that lead us to this. And a theme that emerged from this discussion was around choices.

Obviously we make hundreds of choices every day. These might include what to eat, what route to take to work or what things to check off our to do list. And many of these choices are insignificant. They have no sustained impact on your life.

But many of these little choices ultimately direct the big picture of your life. They may be a fundamental component to the habits you build, shape your career path or negatively/positively impact your health. Some choices are harmless, but some have real world consequences.

Reflecting on these choices

I told my uncle about my blog and how I write every single night. His observation linked back to this idea of choices. Every night I am able to reflect on the choices I made that day. I’m able to unpack the influence that these might have had on my life.

In doing this, I am able to have a greater awareness of my choices. And therefore, I’m able to direct them better.

So by reflecting every day, I’m able to improve the choices I make in the future and understand those made in my immediate past. And ultimately, have greater control over the direction of my life.

Image was taken at dinner with my great uncle

Song of the day: Feeling Groovy - Simon and Garfunkel

Blog 130/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

I’ve always taken pride in not letting people down. I reply to WhatsApp messages and emails as quickly as I can. I get my work completed on time and at a high standard. I follow up in areas I need

But I’ve reached a point where I am unable to keep up that level of perfection. I’ve got too much going on, and juggling it has been quite difficult.

There are emails from students from earlier this week that I haven’t been able to get to (and I usually reply in 24 hours). One of my consulting projects has missed a few of its deadlines. And I haven’t been able to sort out a bunch of admin that I had promised to do in various areas.

My natural reaction to this is anxiety and guilt. I’ve let people down.

But in reality, there are two potential scenarios. Either the people are not concerned, and therefore I shouldn’t stress. Or they are concerned/upset, which I don’t really have control over. And I can give it my best, but beyond that they’re going to have to deal with a bit of frustration.

This point may seem rather negative. But in fact, I’ve been thinking about this all day and realized it’s rather liberating.

I’ll give my best in every way I can. But if i can’t, it’s okay.

Image is of some Bonsmara cattle I saw on the way home today. This beef project needs to end soon.

Blog post: 109/365

Song of the day: Axwell^Ingrosso – Dreamer

A while ago I read a post by Tynan, one of my favourite bloggers, where he talked about his Bentley getting totalled. In it he describes how his constant training to maintain a positive outlook helped him see the good in the situation. He describes being happy his fiancé wasn’t hurt, glad that something bad can happen but he’s still okay, and pleased that he was able to remain calm.

It then turned out that the person didn’t have insurance, but he still outlines why he was positive about this (see the post, linked above, to see how).

Practising the upside

I was reminded of Tynan’s post today. I got to my car this morning and saw that someone had hit into it (as pictured above). My immediate gut reaction was anger and frustration. But I caught these feelings before they altered my mood and tried to picture Tynan’s reaction to the situation.

The thoughts that followed were all about the upside:

• I can still drive the car, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to get to my meeting in Stellenbosch.
• The person left a note with their number. Therefore I could contact them and get their insurance details.
• This note was still there (and readable), despite it raining the night before.
• I now knew the procedure for dealing with an accident because I’d had one just the other day.
• I hadn’t yet taken my car in for my previous accident. So now I could do both at the same time.
• There would be something to write about in my blog today.

And just like that, an event that had the potential to ruin my whole day was turned into an array of positives. I’ve hardly worried about it at all. I’ll call the person tomorrow, get their details and sort it out at the same time as my other incident.

By managing my reaction, and seeing the upside, I was able to manage the situation and my emotions. In doing so, an event that I had no control over had no control over me. And the rest of the day proceeded as normal. In fact, it was a pretty great day.

Image is of the accident 🙂

Song of the day: Goldfish - Hold your kite

Blog 108/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here