rspazzoli, Author at Rowan Spazzoli

I like to ride my bicycle

At the end of 2013 I fell off my bicycle and dislocated my shoulder. After that, I dislocated it numerous times and ended up going for surgery in 2016. The experience kept me off my bike for 4 years.

Up until last month, my bike still had the dirt on it from the fall. I hadn’t touched it once since the incident. But I decided to give it another try, and brought it in for a service.

This evening I went on a ride on the promenade while listening to music. The sunset arched over the ocean and the sea breeze blew across me throughout the ride. I cycled gently, meandering through the crowd and paused occasionally to take pictures.

It made me realise how much I used to love cycling. Not for the exercise, but for the sense of freedom. The wind rushing over me, the quick bursts of speed and the momentum carrying me down the hill.

I know I’ll be spending more time on my bike this year. It puts me into such a great space and helps me break free from my worries, if only for a little bit

Image was taken on the peak above Clifton at sunset

Thesis Update: Read 3 papers, set up my Mendeley and got clarity on an area of focus

Blog 62/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on January 7, 2018 | Permalink

The “paint by numbers” approach

I’ve been really struggling to get into a rhythm with work at the moment. Part of the problem is the sheer magnitude of the task ahead. I have no idea how to approach it. I keep getting overwhelmed and end up abandoning any effort at all.

Today I remembered some advice I got from a professor at our year end function. He said that a masters thesis is often the biggest academic endevour that a person has been on in that point in their career. There is a natural tendency toward wanting perfection and a desire to have some major impact with it.

However, he pointed out that you’re unlikely to be able to make any significant impact with your masters thesis. Instead, the purpose of the thesis is act as a training ground to shape your thinking and learn how to write at that level. So instead of trying to have an outward impact, focus on the inward development.

Paint by numbers

He added that a good way to approach it was the “paint by numbers” approach. Take the task and break into small chunks, acting as the framework for you to paint in. Each chunk is separate colour that needs to be filled in, which requires its own focus. You can’t try and colour two blocks in at the same time.

In doing this, you take a 25000 word task and break it into 5-10 chunks between 2500-5000 each. And in each of these areas, you’ll be able fill in the gaps until you have your final painting.

It’s not the most creative or innovative way of doing things. But it acts as a great way to train yourself while helping you achieve your goal.

Image was taken in Greepoint park today. I got a bit down and walked there to clear my mind. Ended up getting a little sunburnt but enjoyed it nonetheless

Thesis update: frustrating day but got my colour-by-numbers layout done which is nice

Blog 61/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on January 6, 2018 | Permalink

Tangled in our own webs

“There’s a storyline in our mind about what we’re capable of and what our situation is. We create a framework which is liveable, and often that framework is quite limiting. We don’t see what’s outside of that.”

This quote comes from the Headspace session I did today. It came at just the right time, because I spent the day being really frustrated with myself.

I’d set up a storyline for how my day was meant to go. A framework of sorts, with what I was able to and should be doing. And it got derailed pretty early on in the day. And the more I tried to fight it, the more difficult it was to get out of it.

I’ve seen this happen with with me and some of my friends, especially over the holiday period. There are a whole bunch of things that we want to get done, from sorting out admin to starting new projects.

We produce threads around ourselves around what we should be doing. We weave webs of expectations. We make a netting that’s supposed to guide us.

But we sometimes get tangled in it.

And it’s hard to realise when we have.

And the only way get untangled is to take some space and realise that this web is our own fabrication. That we can question the assumptions and decide which threads should be there and which we should cut.

I know that meditation helps gain that perspective, and that is part of the reason that it is my one single new years resolution.

I got quite badly tangled today, but I’m learning to identify is quicker. And hopefully I’ll get better at untangling it too.

Image was taken on a run sometime last year. The trees seem to meet at the top like a web, with the mountain peaking out behind.

Blog 60/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

Thesis update: did my consulting project work today, so nothing to report on the thesis

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Published by rspazzoli on January 5, 2018 | Permalink

Hanging out online

One of my closest friends moved out of Cape Town at the end of last year. Before he moved, we spent a significant amount of time together, usually two or three times a week, where we mostly played loads of computer games. I was quite bleak that he left, but it was definitely the best decision for him.

This evening we played Seven Days to Die online while Skyping. The game is a massive, open, post apocalyptic world where you basically just walk around and try to survive. You can build stuff, scavenge or kill zombies.

We played for almost three hours, pausing only briefly for water. Our digital characters explored alongside each other while we had a really in depth catch up. It felt like we were in the same room, and the distance between us was suddenly nothing.

I found it the whole experience really soothing. Because I realized that even if we were on complete opposite sides of the world, as long as we had an internet connection we’d always be able to hangout, just like old times

Image is from the game, when the land rendering glitched out and we were left with these bizarre cliffs

Thesis update: no major progress from yesterday

Blog 59/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

Published by rspazzoli on January 4, 2018 | Permalink

Exploring the Data

Today I spent some time exploring the data that I’ll be using for my thesis. I initially set a goal of an hour of work at around midday, but ended up doing about 3 hours. Instead of forcing the exploration, I gently meandered through, and once my set time was up I ended up continuing my work anyway.

The data I’m using comes from a big Randomised Control Trial (RCT) done on the Activate! leadership program between 2013 and 2015. The data was collected as an investigation into the effectiveness of the program and the results were really positive. The paper hasn’t been published yet, but if you’d like to read about the study you can find info here.

The CES-D Score

Part of the data collection included questions from the CES-D scale, which is used as an indicator of depression. The CES-D score has been shown to be a good predictor of depression and is used frequently in literature on mental health. A high score indicates a greater likelihood and severity of clinical depression.

I’ll be using this as my main variable in my thesis, and will begin exploring how the program affected depression and how depression affected the program outcomes. Depending on the results, this could inform how to improve this program or others (e.g. by including a psychologist as part of the program team).

Some interesting relationships

So today I looked at the relationships between the CES-D score and the descriptive variables. I ran a bunch of regressions and found a number of really interesting results, with some variables showing strong relationships with depression. Note, that these correlations do not imply causation, just a relationship. It is difficult to tell the direction of this relationship without further analysis. The relationships were as follows:

Exercise: there was a small, positive relationship between frequency of exercise and depression. In other words, more exercise was linked to lower depression
Unemployment: an unemployed individual was predicted to have a higher level of depression. The magnitude was quite significant, with an increase of around 0.5 points on a 16 point scale.
Present health: a very strong predictor of depression was physical health, with those reporting better health expected to have much lower CES-D scores.
Smoking: This one was fascinating to me. It was by far the highest effect size of the variables I explored. If a person was a smoker they were predicted to be more depressed than a non smoker by around 1 point on the scale. Again, we can’t be sure of the causality but it’s still really interesting.
Wanting to move neighbourhood: finally, I found a strong connection between depression and wanting to move. People who wanted to change the neighbourhood they lived in were predicted to have higher CES-D scores.

I think this is a great start, and has really made me excited about what else I might undercover in the data. I can’t wait to get back into it tomorrow

Image was taken on the promenade during my run this afternoon.

Blog 58/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on January 3, 2018 | Permalink

Starting the thesis rush. Gently

In my last therapy session of the year, we discussed how I was going to tackle my thesis. I told my therapist that I would take the week between Christmas and New Year off. But then, on the 2nd of January I would try starting with a 8-10 hour thesis session. This was the only possible way I’d get it done by the end of the month. I’d focus on it exclusively and cut out as many distractions as possible.

She disagreed with me. She said that I’d clearly tried this approach for many years, either with studying or working, and it didn’t work. It would create a destructive cycle for me, which might look something like this:

I’d set an overly ambitious target for my first day of work, which would sound great in theory
I wouldn’t have any structures in place to ensure that it would be achieved. This includes the necessary habits, planning, feedback, commitment devices and support.
I’d manage a few minutes to an hour at best, because my willpower would be exhausted quickly
I’d then get frustrated with myself and get anxious about the situation.
This would lead to me preventing myself from doing other things, like socialising or exercising. This is either because I was punishing myself or I was too anxious to.
I’d go to bed disappointed, so I’d set an even bigger goal for the day after.
And then the cycle would repeat

Starting Gently

Instead of this, my therapist suggested a different approach. This includes the following:

Scheduling social events first. This scared my a little to begin with, but it provides an anchor point for the day to plan around. It also ensures that I don’t isolate myself and that I have something to take my mind off the thesis when I need to. My aim is for most of these to be in the afternoon.
Having a thesis partner. My thesis partner gets back from holiday on 8 Jan, and we’ll work together after that. We’ll also keep each other accountable
Build up the habit. Instead of diving straight into superman mode, I should build up a habit of thesising. This would start with an hour on the first day and gently build up until I was able to handle it without exerting massive amounts of willpower
Public accountability. I’ll be sharing a tiny update of one line at the end of each blog, just so that I’m forced to be publicly accountable.

I’ve adopted this approach, and am gently going to build momentum with my thesis.

And I’m less scared than I thought as I’d be. In fact, after starting today I’m already feeling more confident about the journey

Image is of the care pack that Kayleen got me for the start of my thesising. It includes everything from stationery to emergency chocolates and a tissues to bubbly to pop when I hand in 🙂 Thanks Kay!

Thesis update: 1 hour of work done today which included planning and some reading.

Blog 57/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on January 2, 2018 | Permalink

Building up, one brick at a time

As usual, on the 1st of January I’m overcome with the need to completely revamp my life. I feel the urge to set loads of massive goals: lose a bunch of weight, run everyday, journal everyday, eat healthy, work harder etc etc etc.

I’ve set goals like these before and they usually fall apart by the middle of January, once I step out of my fantasy world and back into reality. They last while there’s enough willpower to make them happen. But when that runs out, there’s nothing left to support them.

Today I read this post by Benjamin Hardy on why willpower doesn’t work, and it captured and enhanced my thinking on the topic. The basic premise is that we need to approach progress and success like we’re overcoming addiction.

To overcome an addiction, Hardy sets out two main requirements. First , you need to set goals that have a “why” or core purpose that you truly want to achieve. This removes the conflict that may come into place when faced with a temptation to stray. Secondly, the right environment needs to be in place, which may include investments, commitment devices, sharing it in public and installing accountability or feedback loops.

Doing this requires more than just writing a goal down. It requires measured, thought through planning, decision making and execution. In the same way we wouldn’t build a building by willing it into existence, the same can be said of our goals, habits and aspirations. It needs to be done properly, brick by brick.

My 2018 Goal

So, in light of this, I’ve set a single core goal for 2018 and have built structures around it to make sure it succeeds.

My goal is to meditate every day for the whole of 2018. I’ll be using Headspace to do so, as I’ve really enjoyed using it in the past. So that’s 365 meditation sessions by the end of the year.

My structures around this are as follows:

Investment: I’ve paid for the premium subscription, which is expensive but works out to less than R2 a day over the year
Making it public: well, here we are. It is available on my blog and will go out as soon as I click publish
Commitment device: I’ve made a bet with my friend Jared. If I do not reach this goal then I owe him a bottle of whiskey worth R2000. That means the cost of missing a single day is significant.
Accountability: Jared is my accountability partner. He’s made a similar bet with me for his own resolution, so we’re mutually accountable
Feedback: the app tracks the streak I’m on. Currently that streak is at 1 day.

Sustaining a habit for that long is difficult, but I’m certain that I will achieve it. The cost of not doing so has been set too high and my purpose for doing it is too strong.

By the end of this year, I know I’ll have achieved 365 meditations and 365 blog posts (and I’m already at post number 56).

What are you going to do this year? And more importantly, how will you make sure you get it done?

Image was taken in Greenpoint park this evening while I was out on a cycle 🙂

Blog 56/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on January 1, 2018 | Permalink

Year End Appreciation Post

As I’ve mentioned before, I draw a significant amount of inspiration from Seth Godin’s daily blogs (in fact, they’re the reason I started this blog). I wasn’t really sure what I was going to post today until he sent out his blog, where he acknowledged people who have had a significant contribution to his life over the year. So in the spirit of this, I’m going to write an appreciation post for the people who have played a specific role in my 2017.

Before I get into it, two quick points. The first is that this list is by no means exhaustive and I’m likely to accidentally forget people, so please bare this in mind! Secondly, I’m not going to post people’s full names, just in case they don’t want them out there. I’ll also be grouping people under categories in some instances so they’re more recognisable to people who know them 🙂

Now then, thank you to all of those listed below. You have helped me both survive the bad parts and really enjoy the good parts of this year. Thank you for helping me achieve what I have achieved and for being there to support me. Here goes (in no particular order):

Eddy, Mike, Jono, Nick, Jared, Steve, Kayleen, Louis, Charlotte, Sam, Tiisetso, Hana, Tsakane, Marc, Holly, Joe, Abi, Ahmed, Thabo, Jess, Suzie, Carla, Megan, Brian, Lauren, Chantelle, Non, Bridget, Tiang, Ndumi, Lindo, Zeenat, Brian, Emma, Sonya, Shelly, Cait, Chris Family (Debbie, Lorenzo, Massimo, Lihor, Fabio), Overseas Family (including the Dunns, Sylvesters/Maddocks, Stebbings, Spazzolis), The Westons (Belinda, Ian, Simon and the extended Westons, Fairleys, Currys), Applied Management Squad (Dale, Alison, Nashly, Marlowe, Kuhle, Matt, Janine, Bukani, Lauren, Joyce, Aaron, Dorian, Nkosi, David and the other staff and the students, who are too many to name), Nova Economics (Kay), ATeam (Jess, Alex) Oxford Crew (Mei-Li, Harry), St Gallen People (Simone, Florian, Kanika, Lina, Edvard, Tamsin, Alban) The BYM Crew (including Julia, Nonnie, Elisabeth, Warren, Cindy, Grace, Courtney, Lidia, Letitia, Khaya, Kory, Thuli, Lunga and the rest) and anyone else I may have missed out

Thank you again for making this year so epic. I cannot wait for the year ahead, knowing that I have incredible people like you in my life.

Here’s hoping to an epic 2018

Image was taken a few days ago at the Mouille Point light house

Blog 55/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on December 31, 2017 | Permalink