rspazzoli, Author at Rowan Spazzoli

Conversations with my supervisor

I chose my supervisor because I love the work that he does and the way that he thinks. Today I was reminded of that

I’ve spent much of my time in my thesis looking at my data. I’ve found correlations and relationships between a bunch of different variables.

I presented this to my supervisor, and over the course of an hour he brought my data to life. He helped me build causal pathways and understand how my information could be turned into knowledge.

What intrigued me more is how he kept emphasizing the story I needed to be telling. My thesis wasn’t just about dispensing facts. It was about weaving a narrative that drew literature and analysis together to form a complete story.

I’m feeling much more on track with my work now. And most importantly, more inspired. I can’t wait to complete it and share it with everyone.

Image is the reason I was able to get out of bed this morning. In the background is a plain croissant. In the foreground is a croissant cup filled with chocolate mouse and dark chocolate browmie bits. They’re from Jason’s. They were just as amazing as they look

Thesis update: great supervisor meeting 🙂

Blog 69/ 365.

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Published by rspazzoli on January 15, 2018 | Permalink

The Friend-Ship

Note: this post is a little sillier than usual. Enjoy 🙂

If my friends or myself ever get stupidly rich I really hope we do things differently. There may be some splurging on fancy things, some nice cars and pretty houses. That’s okay I guess. And we better be using the money for some development work and helping society.

But I also want to do some ridiculous things. For example, I’d love to buy a double decker ice cream truck like the one Ron Weasley bought. I’d kit it out with a massive sound system, places to sleep and a fully loaded stock of ice cream and drive it across America with a few friends.

Or we could set up a massive waffle morning in the middle of Cape Town and serve thousands upon thousands of waffles for free. Every man, woman and child would get a waffle to start their day right.

But there is something even more ridiculous that a few friends and I have been talking about. One of the things a normal rich person would do is buy a yacht. These yachts are fancy and pretty and classy. The biggest yacht you can get is a 222m superyacht that costs $1billion dollars. That’s a lot of money.

However, there is something that you could get that is bigger and much cheaper.

A container ship.

The Friend-Ship

We did some research and found that the biggest container ship you can get is the Maersk Tripple E-Class. This ship is 400m long and 59m wide. It is capable of carrying up to 18 000 containers at once.

It only costs $135million.

The idea would be to buy this ship and turn it into the most epic floating island in the world. Above board it would have a roller coaster, pools, a massive DJ stand, sports fields, bars, giant ball pits, a paintball range and a massive chocolate fountain (amongst other things). Below deck there would be capacity for 200-300 of my closest friends.

We’d spray it some offensive colour, like bright pink. And it would have giant confetti canons and fireworks for whenever we approached a harbour. Just to make sure people knew when we arrived.

I know it sounds impractical. Because it is. But it would also be so much more epic than what other rich people do. Plus, we could park up next to them in the middle of the mediterranean and make them feel insignificant with their tiny 50m yachts.

Doing ridiculous stuff, just because

I know our container ship may never come to life (which is a sad thought). But I think as I grow older and earn more money, I’d like to do epic stuff with it. There will come a point where I’ll have a house and a car and enough money to support myself (and whoever else might be around).

But I’d like to set some aside for the wild stuff. The epic stuff. And the stuff that would be ridiculous, but will also make the best story.

So….. who’s in?

Image was taken on the promenade this evening. We really want the ship in the picture. She has a certain majesty to her. Maybe one day

P.S. leave a comment with a ridiculous thing you would do if you had lots of money

Thesis update: spent day dreaming about ridiculous things to do with all the money I don't have

Blog 68/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on January 14, 2018 | Permalink

Watching the stars

I remember when I was younger, I’d stay at my gran’s house when my parents were away. After dinner we’d go into the yard with a picnic blanket, a torch, hot chocolate and a pamphlet sized, torn up guide that showed the stars and constellations.

We’d lie on the lawn, watch the sky and try to identify the constellations from our little handbook. I’d stare at the stars until they appeared to be falling towards us. And we’d only head back to the house if we’d begin to fall asleep.

Still gazing

Star gazing with my Gran was one of the best memories of my childhood. And it is the reason I find such joy in taking time to do it.Today my star gazing is a little more sophisticated. I have an app on my phone called Sky Guide which uses a combination of your GPS and accelerometer to help identify stars. It has an augmented reality mode, which fills in where the stars are in real time (like in the feature picture of this post). Also, by far my favorite feature is that it notifies you when objects are overhead, meaning you can see and identify satellites such as the international space station.This evening I drove out to Llandudno, which is one of the best viewing spots in Cape Town. It brought back some great memories from the past and was such an soothing way to take time off.

Epilogue

I was gonna end off the blog with some nostalgic advice or reflections. But here’s a brief story instead. While I was sitting watching the stars, I had my windows and sunroof open. I was also staying aware of my surroundings, just in case. I was busy being introspective, appreciating the scene and trying to think about what to write in the blog when suddenly a dog barked right outside my window. I nearly had a heart attack. A German Shepard had gently creeped up next to the car without me knowing and rocked my world. It then proceeded to walk away, as if it had achieved what it had set out to do. Anyway, here is a picture of it while it walked away, leaving me with my adrenaline rush

Feature mage was taken at a viewing point near Llandudno while using the sky guide app with the augmented reality setting on. ✨ Thesis update: took the day off 🙂

Blog 67/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on January 13, 2018 | Permalink

The circle of life

The feature picture above was taken in 2010, just before the Soccer World Cup. It was the only year that Lorenzo, Fabio and I would ever be at the same school together. Fabio was in Grade 0, Lorenzo was in Grade 10 and I was in Grade 12.

This week, Fabio went on Grade 8 camp which is basically an induction into high school. On Monday he will start his first day there.

It’s a little scary for me…. this milestone puts into perspective just how much time has passed since then. It also makes me realize how much has changed.

Exploring the Mental Yardstick

On the other hand, it’s interesting to use these occasions as comparative points. Because Grade 8 camp was such a big deal, I remember it in great detail. And I can bring to mind feelings, thoughts and experiences from then.

It strikes me how much more mature I thought I was then. I had reached the big league. And even though I remember feeling terrified, I felt very very grown up.

I also felt like I was contending with enormous issues, particularly at the end of grade 8. And though they were big for me at the time, the years since then have shown me that issues can have orders of magnitude much much higher.

After contemplating this, two notable thoughts arose. The first links to my five years forward post; that these yardsticks are important for putting your current position in context. When Fabio is 25 I’ll look back and think about the differences between the lives of a 25 year old and a 37 year old.

Secondly, it made me aware that, despite the issues of a 13 year old seeming insignificant from this distance, they most certainly are not. I know that at that age your problems are, let’s say, level 10. And at this age they can reach level 70. Level 10 looks easy from this angle. But when you’ve only ever dealt with level 9s, a level 10 will rock your world. Being cognizant of this informs how you approach and manage a person of that age. It creates an awareness and an understanding that can be more constructive towards a positive relationship with them.

Grade 8 and beyond

Seeing Fabio go on grade 8 camp stirred up all sorts of thoughts, memories and feelings. And they’ve been fun to explore. And I can’t wait to follow his development while gently looking back and tracking my own 🙂

Image was taken in Fabio’s grade 0 classroom on the last day of school before the World Cup 🙂

Thesis update: supervisor tried to postpone our meeting. I managed to catch him walking from his car so I held the meeting anyway. Got some great feedback

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Published by rspazzoli on January 12, 2018 | Permalink

Storyline reflecting reality

“It’s important to pause, calm the mind and witness our thoughts, if only to check that the storyline in our mind reflects reality”

– Headspace Daily Session 11 Jan 2017

The above quote from my meditation this morning stuck with me the whole day. It caused me to think about the times that I’ve carried storylines with me for weeks, months or even years that are outdated and no longer rooted in reality.

Storylines are important. They’re carried around as identifiers, as markers of who we are and what we’ve come from. We use them to portray who we are to others and to understand ourselves. They’re part of the narrative that describes our past and guides our future.

However, we often forget to check them and see if they need updating. We become so good at talking about the storyline that it becomes second nature. It plays in our head like a song on repeat and becomes background noise that we’re not even aware of.

Accounting for everything

An example from my life was in 2016 when I started my Masters. I’d fought for years and finally broken away from the accounting path that I had hated. I’d made it into my dream degree, the Masters in Economic Development, and I was so happy.

Yet the accounting storyline stuck in my mind. I’d use it to introduce myself wherever I went. I’d say “Hi, I’m Rowan. I studied accounting for a few years and hated it. But now I’m doing development”

It also still played in my mind all the time. I’d compare myself to my accounting friends and the experiences they were having. And I’d feel insecure about my decision despite knowing it was the right one.

Only when it was pointed out to me by my friend Lexi did I realise that I was holding on to an outdated storyline. We were walking around Capri in June 2016. It was 6 months after starting Masters and a week after we met 3 Nobel Prize winners in economics. She called me out on how my storyline no longer reflected my reality and that I needed to update it.

It was a massive revelation. It took me a little while to unpack, but once I did I was so much freer. And my thoughts and decisions began to match my new storyline.

Touch, pause, engage

I know that I am still likely to carry storylines with me that no longer reflect reality. We all are. But we need to make sure we stop every now and then, look inside and see what storylines we’re holding on to. And if they no longer reflect reality we need to allow ourselves the space to understand, unpack and update them.

In doing this, we’ll have more space in our minds to shape new storylines and influence our realities, now and in the future.

Image was taken on a boat in the Mediterranean, with Capri in the background. It was just after Lexi had called me out on my outdated storyline 🙂

Thesis update: bit of a frustrating day BUT I finally have a meeting with my supervisor tomorrow!

Blog 65/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on January 11, 2018 | Permalink

Some observations on male depression

In my data work this week I’ve stumbled across a really interesting relationship. Initial analysis seems to show that the Activate! program had a significant, postive impact on depression for male participants. Their CES-D scores at the end-line were predicted to to be lower than the control group.

Although I still have a lot of work to do on this, it’s provided me with a really exciting direction. I’ve delved into some of the literature and found that my findings are supported.

A really great paper I found is Seidler et al. (2016) entitled: The role of masculinity in men’s help-seeking for depression: A systematic review. The highlights of their review are quoted as follows:

Men may find it difficult to recognise and communicate symptoms of depression.

Men prefer collaborative interventions involving action-oriented problem solving.

Masculine norms like stoicism conflict with depression, heightening self-stigma.

Masculine norms may inhibit help-seeking and reinforce maladaptive coping styles.

Reframing a more fluid masculinity to integrate depression may boost help-seeking.

The second point there in red is of particular interest to me. A number of the studies they looked at showed that collaborative interventions are preferred for treatment of depression. In other words, programs like Activate! might play a significant role in treating depression for men.

A long way to go

It is important to note that these are only preliminary findings. There is a lot of data analysis left to do and I need to meet with my supervisor to see if I’m on the right track.

However, I’m starting to really find a sense of flow and momentum with this work. I can’t wait to see where this finding leads 🙂

Image was taken on the prom during my bicycle ride last weekend 🙂 in fact, a friend of mine is riding the bike on the left of the picture

Thesis update: gaining momentum. Need to meet with supervisor for guidance

Blog 64/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on January 10, 2018 | Permalink

It has been decided

Today when I woke up, I had a fluttering thought that the day would be awesome. So I decided it was going to be.

And it was.

I don’t have this thought often. In fact, I never force myself to have it. It happens entirely spontaneously every now and again. As I’m waking up, the thought drifts by and I decide that it shall be so.

Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of amazing days regardless of whether I have this thought in the morning. But this thought feels almost like a guaranteed awesome day.

It also isn’t just unrelenting positivity. I’m not a very big fan of that. Positivity is often used to gloss over deeper issues. It has a fakeness to it that can be quite irritating, and it is difficult to maintain under stress.

But I don’t consider this little fluttering thought to be an act of positivity. Instead, it feels like a tiny, once off gift. I get to use it for the day, and nothing can derail it.

It might have been true from the start. It might have been a self fulfilling prophecy. But either way

Today was awesome.

Image is from tonight’s amazing dinner at Andalousse Moroccan Cuisine. Went with a few Masters friends had such a wholesome and enjoyable time

Thesis update: had an amazing finding in my data and found literature to support it!!!

Blog 63/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on January 9, 2018 | Permalink

Be kind to yourself

It’s a simple concept that is so difficult to put into practice: be kind to yourself.

Being kind to other people is easy. If someone had a bad day at work or struggled with their thesis, I’d chat them through it. Maybe get them a drink or an ice cream or something of the sort. I’d suggest a walk on the promenade or spending time at the Newlands dam.

But when I have a bad day, I’ll put extra pressure on myself. I might cancel social events and restrict myself from doing fun stuff. Sometimes I’m frustrated and disappointed with myself and I let that feeling linger.

Over the last few days I’ve been given the same advice from a number of different people. And I dispense the same advice to others. Acting on it is tough. We’re our own harshest critics. And understandably so. But maybe we should also be our own fans sometimes too. And treat ourselves how we would treat others going through the same thing.

Be kind to yourself

Image was taken at my favourite spot in August. When I go to the dam it’s probably when I’m the kindest to myself

Thesis update:best day yet, lots of data work done. Feeling overwhelmed, but managing.

Blog 62/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on January 8, 2018 | Permalink