rspazzoli, Author at Rowan Spazzoli

Reflecting on the bad

The practice of reflecting on experiences is easy to romanticise. We can imagine it to be almost like a movie montage, where all the good bits of the period we’re reflecting over are played back to us. There’s some nostalgic music, and the frames gently fade into one another.

The truth is that the value in reflecting comes from looking over the bad and the good. Looking over the good can be quite a pleasant experience. We get to re-live the happy moments and contemplate what has gone right.

But reflecting on the bad is more difficult. We’re forced to face our shortcomings, relive traumatic experiences and unpack our regrets. There’s more to learn here, but it comes with a high emotional burden.

My Year End Reflection

My thoughts around this have come about as a result of my current year end reflection, which I began a few days ago. This year has been an incredibly difficult one for me, and included many dark periods and negative events. Some of them lasted a few days, some of them lasted entire months.

It has made my reflective time quite painful, as I begin digging up all the emotions that I’ve buried throughout the year.

Don’t get me wrong, there has been a lot of really exciting and epic stuff that has happened this year. And that is easy to reconcile. But the dark times have made it a particularly tough year.

I read through my 2016 review and realised how vastly different last year was. I had a more balanced year, with less extreme events. And it made writing the year end review both a pleasant and easy experience.

I know that reflecting on 2017 is important, and that processing these emotions will ultimately leave me in a better space. So I’ll get through them, and clear the way for a better 2018.

Image was taken in January this year at UCT. The flowers are called Flame Lilies (Gloriousa Superba) and they flower in December/January. They remind me of Zim, as they are the country’s national flower. We also had some growing by our pool in Harare when we were younger

Blog 54/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on December 30, 2017 | Permalink

The Grade 8s of the World

Today I managed a full “admin day”. I handled some household chores, went to the bank, did some shopping, fixed the bathroom sink, ran on the promenade and replied to most of my emails and texts.

When I first started dealing with this sort of admin, each item on its own would be a massive deal. But as I’ve done more of it, it becomes easier. I’ve become better at adulting.

It reminded me of an analogy I’ve used a few times with friends when they’re feeling overwhelmed by the real world.

How is it possible to manage all the admin that comes with being an adult? How are we supposed to juggle friends, family, work, chores, health and still have time to ourselves?

And it only looks like it gets worse, with potential spouses, children and households of our own in the future.

How do people cope with this? How are we going to survive as we get older?

And this is where the analogy comes in….

The Grade 8s

In South Africa, Grade 8 is the first year of high school, which you enter when you’re 12 or 13 years old. I remember being in Grade 8 and looking at the Grade 12s, who were all either 17 or 18 years old.

The Grade 12s seemed to have everything figured out. Many of them had awards listed down their blazers. They seemed so comfortable when navigating the school and when interacting with teachers and each other. Some were able to handle first team sports, academics, various committees/ portfolios and extra curricular activities and still have time for themselves.

I was in awe of these people. And thought that I would never get there. There was no way that a Grade 8 like me could be someone like that. I could never handle it.

But I did get there. I became someone like that. And I handled it.

The growth and learning I experienced in the new environment eventually gave me all the tools that I needed to get there. It was a tough learning curve and the journey was tough. And I managed to rise up to the challenge

The Grade 8s…. of the world

In the same way, when we left university we entered the real working world as first timers. We were able to rely on our parents less. The world became more complex and a multitude of variables sprung up that we had never dealt with.

Taking a look at people in their 50s, I became fascinated at how they were able to handle so much. There they were with jobs, families, cars, houses and a list of admin to do that was much longer than I could possibly imagine.

So I began to imagine us, the fresh-out-of-varsity-kids as the Grade 8s of the world. If we consider that our working lives will span from when we’re around 25 until we retire at 65, then there are around 40 years to navigate this “real world”.

This means that our “grade 8” phase is the first 7 or 8 years after university. In other words, our 20s and early 30s. This time of our lives is scary.

We don’t feel like we have control. We look at people older then us and wonder how they do it. We think to ourselves that we will never get there. There is no way that “Grade 8s” like us could be like that. We could never handle it.

But we will get there. We will become someone like that. And we will handle it.

So if you’re in your 20s or early 30s and you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t worry. We’re the grade 8s of the world. We don’t know what we’re doing yet. But we’ll learn. And one day we’ll look back and realize that we were capable of handling it all along

Image was taken on Seapoint Promenade this evening on mine and Jared’s cycle/run 🙂

Blog 53/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on December 29, 2017 | Permalink

The Hangout Spot

In “Friends” they had Central Perk

In “How I Met Your Mother” they had McLaren’s Pub

In “Seinfeld” they had Monks Cafe

In “The Simpsons” they have Moe’s Tavern

These spots were legendary in their respective shows. It was where the characters came together after a long day day and had some of their most important (and entertaining) dialogues.

We’ve got our spot too. It used to be The Great Wizoo before it closed down. But it’s the Randy Warthog in Greenpoint. It has become the place where the characters in my life series hang out.

It isn’t fancy. The food and drinks are cheap. The people are friendly. There is a pool. The atmosphere is great. And the friends are even greater.

It acts as a home base, where we can get together and catch up on what’s going on in each other’s lives. We don’t need to worry about how we dress or who’s gonna be there.

I know it isn’t going to be the hangout spot forever. But I think that throughout my life I’m going to make sure I have one like it wherever I go.

Image was taken this afternoon at the Randy Warthog 🐗

Blog 52/365

Published by rspazzoli on December 28, 2017 | Permalink

Pajama Day

When work gets really busy, as it does most of the year, I crave a pajama day. A day when I can just lie around with no obligations. A day when I can watch series, play PlayStation, eat, read and nap.

Today I got to have one of those days. But as usual, it wasn’t as great as I was expecting. In fact, I feel better going to bed after a hard days work than after a pajama day.

I know that flow theory predicts this outcome. What I don’t understand is why I can’t. This is despite many years of experiencing pajama days and having the academic grounding to forecast the results.

This isn’t limited to leisure days. I know I feel better after running, working, reading, meditating yet I struggle to get myself to do these things. I know I feel worse after extended naps, eating junk food and binge watching series, but again I will still indulge.

I think one of the most frustrating components of the human psyche for me is the gap between our thoughts and our actions. How we can have pretty good knowledge yet fail to use it.

Anyway, I’m gonna head back to the PlayStation, I have a trophy I need to win

Image is from a FIFA tournament I won earlier today

Blog 51/365

Published by rspazzoli on December 27, 2017 | Permalink

50 up! He raises his bat and points to the crowd!

Today is the 50th blog post of my #365of25 journey. It’s feels odd to have posted so many, as it seems like I’ve only just gotten started. At the same time, it has become such a habit of mine that I can’t imagine going to bed without posting.

When thinking about this post I remembered something from my school days. One of my goals every year since I was 8 or 9 was to score a 50 in a cricket game.

On a number of occasions I got close. A 42 here, a 38 there.

But I never got my 50, not even in high school.

I played a season of cricket at university but over five or six games I only totaled around 20 runs.

I never understood why I couldn’t get there. I had the ability… I could play some spectacular shots. I also practiced often, at home and at school.

Reflecting on this, I realized that it wasn’t my ability to play the ball that let me down. It was my temperament. I attempted to hit every ball I faced as hard as I could. I lacked the ability to build an innings with patience, to keep a steady head and to be consistent.

In some ways, I do the same in life. I go in hard at everything I do, which is great sometimes. But it prevents me from building up sustainable momentum. I approach all my work with the need to hit it out the park.

I think this is an area that I will begin actively working on in 2018. I need to manage my temperament and patiently build up my work as I go.

One day I’ll join a cricket club and work on my shots as well as my game mentality.

And one day I’ll raise my bat for my 50.

Image was taken at Newlands Stadium during a T20 match last year

Blog 50/365.

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Published by rspazzoli on December 26, 2017 | Permalink

The week of reflection

The week between Christmas day and New Year is a bit odd.

The frenzy of work and the chaos before Christmas has died down.

But the excitement of the New Year is yet to begin.

It’s the twilight zone, the Sunday evening, the no mans land of the year.

This period has becoming really important to me as a time of reflection. It’s when I consolidate the year, think through my accomplishments and my shortfalls and set goals for the year to come.

The Year Summary

Part of this is my annual “Year Summary” which I have compiled since 2012. In it, I list my favourite moments, songs, achievements and people from the year. I summarise each month and then reflect on the year as a whole.

It’s a great way to close the year off, and start with a clean slate in the year to come. It’s also wonderful to look back on a few years down the line.

Bring on the week of reflection!

Image is of Lions Head as seen from the patio where we had Christmas lunch this afternoon 🙂

Blog 49/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on December 25, 2017 | Permalink

Traditions: the old and the new

On Christmas Eve every year we watch Love Actually. The tradition started when we saw it at the cinemas on Christmas Eve in 2003, while on holiday in Australia.

My brother and I also have a tradition of listening to a particular Blink 182 song on Christmas Eve. The song is terrible, but we’ve listened to it every year since 2005, when we stumbled upon it on an old hard drive.

On Christmas Day we open presents and then have a Pandoro or Panettone, which are Italian Christmas cakes. We’ve done this as long as I can remember.

These traditions invoke feelings of nostalgia and bring back memories. They anchor us to our past, and reminds of us all the good bits of it. They’re an important part of us, and preserving them makes us feel like we have a bit more control and consistency over our experience of the world.

The New Traditions

However, each of these traditions happened for the first time at some point. They were once new. And one day we might not be able to keep our traditions going.

Sometimes it isn’t possible to maintain them. Sometimes the right people aren’t there. Sometimes we’re in the wrong place, emotionally or geographically.

But it’s okay.

Because we’ll develop new traditions. New ways to shape our realities. New ways to anchor our memories and sentiments.

And the new traditions will reflect more of who we are now. And the people we have in our lives.

So keep the old traditions when you can. But don’t be scared of the new ones. Because one day they’ll be worth just as much, if not more than the old ones

Image was taken at the Christmas Eve lunch with my cousins. My cousin’s daughter, Madison, is two months old. She’ll have many years ahead of her to develop her own traditions 🙂

Merry Christmas everyone! 🎄

Published by rspazzoli on December 24, 2017 | Permalink

Just hit publish

Committing to writing a blog post every day has had some really unexpected benefits. As discussed in a previous post, one of these benefits is that I constantly reflect on my learnings throughout the day to find something to write about.

Another benefit that I realized today is that it has forced me to let go of perfection. Because I’m sending out a post every day, some might not meet my own standards.

Sometimes it feels like I should write more in depth, more thought through work. But I have to shake this feeling. I have to allow myself to feel uncomfortable.

It’s scary. But it’s getting easier. The momentum behind writing every day is pushing me to be more confident in my writing ability and in myself.

And I’m regularly surprised when people enjoy a post when I was uncertain about it.