Rowan Spazzoli

In “Friends” they had Central Perk

In “How I Met Your Mother” they had McLaren’s Pub

In “Seinfeld” they had Monks Cafe

In “The Simpsons” they have Moe’s Tavern

These spots were legendary in their respective shows. It was where the characters came together after a long day day and had some of their most important (and entertaining) dialogues.

We’ve got our spot too. It used to be The Great Wizoo before it closed down. But it’s the Randy Warthog in Greenpoint. It has become the place where the characters in my life series hang out.

It isn’t fancy. The food and drinks are cheap. The people are friendly. There is a pool. The atmosphere is great. And the friends are even greater.

It acts as a home base, where we can get together and catch up on what’s going on in each other’s lives. We don’t need to worry about how we dress or who’s gonna be there.

I know it isn’t going to be the hangout spot forever. But I think that throughout my life I’m going to make sure I have one like it wherever I go.

Image was taken this afternoon at the Randy Warthog 🐗

Blog 52/365

I get a little jealous when I find out two people have been friends since they were in pre school or primary school. For example, the other day I saw a friend post a happy birthday message saying “Happy 20 years of friendship” for a girl she’d known since she was 5. They’d been through primary school, high school and university together and now work at the same company.

Being from Zim means that the chances that a friendship lasted that long was rare. Almost every December from 1999 onwards there was a farewell party for friends. In 2000 it was the Costas and the Robinsons, in 2001 it was the Adamsons, in 2002 it was the Van Bredas and the Mannings, in 2003 it was the Fedettos and in 2004 it was the Spazzolis. Most people ended up in Australia, New Zealand, South Africa and the UK, with some in other parts of Europe and America.

We moved to Joburg, and from the outset I struggled to make friends. By 2008 I had a good group of them but at the end of the year 1 had moved to Holland, 1 moved schools and 1 was on exchange. So the process started all over.

In 2011 I moved to Cape Town and there was another shake up. And the process started again. And in 2014/2015, there was a mass exodus at the end of varsity and, you guessed it, it started again.

My sadness (and jealousy) around this is that there are no people in my current circles have shared memories and common experiences with me from when I grew up. No one knows what Highlands School was like, no one remembers Chisipite Shops or Borrowdale Road.

I am fortunate that I’m still close with my high school friends. But even then, two live in Joburg and one just moved to Sedgefield.

Of my university friends, a few are still around. But most are in Joburg, some are in America and some are in the UK.

The Upside of Scattering

Having friendship circles that experience high levels of flux isn’t all bad. It means that I have been able to renew my friendships depending on my phase of life. This, in turn, has taught me how to form friendships quickly. The coolest thing about it though is having friends in so many countries. It means that I can visit New York or London or Lisbon or San Francisco or Sydney or Nairobi and there will be someone I know there. The forces of globalization and government instability may have shuffled people around the world. And it does mean that there are very few friends around from my distant past. But it also means that my neighbourhood is global, and there will always be someone I know nearby.

Image was taken last week at Babylonstoren on our adventure out in Franschhoek. Two people in this picture live in Joburg and one just moved to Sedgefield. But I know I’ll see them all again soon soon 🙂 Afterthought: modern technology has made it possible to sustain these friendships wherever we are in the world. A friend is never more than a video call or a voice note away 🙂

Blog 42/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

At this years Brightest Young Minds conference (which I still have to write a full post about) there was a “Sugar Cube” wall. On this wall were envelopes with the name of every one of the participants and organisers. And on the side there was a stack of cards and pens for writing.

The idea was to write a “sweet” message to someone who you’d met at the conference. After writing it you could include your name or leave it anonymous, and then pop it in to their envelope. These were then handed out at the final gala dinner, with the condition that they could only be opened when we got home.

These sugar cubes provided such a beautiful twist to the event. They allowed for a very sincere, very kind communication between the participants. It also enabled deep reflection, both on the part of the writer and the receiver, about themselves and others. And finally, it provided a beautiful self-esteem and confidence boost to the receivers.

Real Life Sugar Cubes

I’ve stuck all the sugar cubes up in my bedroom, as they act as a reminder of the amazing people I met and the experience we shared. It also helps fight off the odd bought of imposter syndrome (which seems to be showing up quite a bit recently).

Beyond this, it has made me realise the importance of recognising people and telling them how you feel about them. Since the conference, I’ve made an active effort to tell people when I think they’re amazing. In some cases, I’ve left anonymous sugar cubes, and in others I’ve sent sneaky voice notes to remind them how great I think they are.

It’s a small thing to do, but it can have a massive impact on a person. So don’t forget to leave a sugar cube whenever you can.

Image was taken at the conference. Unfortunately I don’t have a picture of the full sugar cube wall but you can see it in the top right corner of this pic.

Blog 41/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

Today a couple of frustrating things happened, including losing some of my stuff and an issue in one of my courses.

But I spent the evening with one of my best friends. We smoked Cuban cigars, drank Irish whiskey and watched a Cape Town sunset. We had a beautiful conversation about our lives and our hopes and dreams. And suddenly all of my worries and stresses from today and this year melted away

That moment might have only lasted a few hours. But it will live on with me forever.

Image is taken at Cape to Cuba where we had our cigars and whiskey and sunsets

I remember at a scholarship interview in grade 7 we were asked who our hero was. The blonde boy next to me answered “Nelson Mandela” and recited some facts and quotes that he’d committed to memory. I answered with “my friends are my heroes” and the interviewer told me that that was silly and that I needed to pick someone famous. The blonde kid got the scholarship.

Of course there are famous people that I admire and look up to. There are many people who I’d say I’m a fan of. But still, to this day, my friends will receive more of my fangirling than celebrities will.

I’ll support and cheer for my friends when they start businesses, when they perform in concerts, when they start a blog and when they chase crazy ideas. I’ll support them with my time and with my money in whatever way I can. I love bragging about my friends, and will be their hype man whenever the opportunity comes about

Because celebrities don’t really need your support. To them, you’re just a drop in an ocean. But to a friend, your support can catalyse their growth and inspire them to continue to reach for their dreams

What Goes Around

When I started this blog, I was scared that people would read it. But I was also scared that no one would read it. That I’d go unnoticed.

However, the support I’ve had from friends has been incredible. I know that Thabo is always there to listen to my rambles (hi Thabo, you’re the best <3). I know that family like my mom, Jacs, Charles and Caroline are always checking in and supporting me wherever they are in the world. I know that Holly, Marc, Chantelle, Jared and Janine are here for the ride, cheering me on the whole time.

It makes me feel like I’m writing for an audience. It inspires me every day to continue this journey.

And I know I might not have gotten the scholarship back in grade 7. But I still maintain that my heroes aren’t sports stars or celebrities. My heroes are my friends.

Image is from two weeks ago when I was having a rough day on campus. A friend of mine bought us both two Steri Stumpies each so we didn’t have to make the painful choice between strawberry and chocolate.

Also… thank you to Janine for inspiring this post. She’s also just started blogging, and you should check her blog out here