#365of25 Archives - Page 20 of 26

Hanging out online

One of my closest friends moved out of Cape Town at the end of last year. Before he moved, we spent a significant amount of time together, usually two or three times a week, where we mostly played loads of computer games. I was quite bleak that he left, but it was definitely the best decision for him.

This evening we played Seven Days to Die online while Skyping. The game is a massive, open, post apocalyptic world where you basically just walk around and try to survive. You can build stuff, scavenge or kill zombies.

We played for almost three hours, pausing only briefly for water. Our digital characters explored alongside each other while we had a really in depth catch up. It felt like we were in the same room, and the distance between us was suddenly nothing.

I found it the whole experience really soothing. Because I realized that even if we were on complete opposite sides of the world, as long as we had an internet connection we’d always be able to hangout, just like old times

Image is from the game, when the land rendering glitched out and we were left with these bizarre cliffs

Thesis update: no major progress from yesterday

Blog 59/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

Published by rspazzoli on January 4, 2018 | Permalink

Starting the thesis rush. Gently

In my last therapy session of the year, we discussed how I was going to tackle my thesis. I told my therapist that I would take the week between Christmas and New Year off. But then, on the 2nd of January I would try starting with a 8-10 hour thesis session. This was the only possible way I’d get it done by the end of the month. I’d focus on it exclusively and cut out as many distractions as possible.

She disagreed with me. She said that I’d clearly tried this approach for many years, either with studying or working, and it didn’t work. It would create a destructive cycle for me, which might look something like this:

I’d set an overly ambitious target for my first day of work, which would sound great in theory
I wouldn’t have any structures in place to ensure that it would be achieved. This includes the necessary habits, planning, feedback, commitment devices and support.
I’d manage a few minutes to an hour at best, because my willpower would be exhausted quickly
I’d then get frustrated with myself and get anxious about the situation.
This would lead to me preventing myself from doing other things, like socialising or exercising. This is either because I was punishing myself or I was too anxious to.
I’d go to bed disappointed, so I’d set an even bigger goal for the day after.
And then the cycle would repeat

Starting Gently

Instead of this, my therapist suggested a different approach. This includes the following:

Scheduling social events first. This scared my a little to begin with, but it provides an anchor point for the day to plan around. It also ensures that I don’t isolate myself and that I have something to take my mind off the thesis when I need to. My aim is for most of these to be in the afternoon.
Having a thesis partner. My thesis partner gets back from holiday on 8 Jan, and we’ll work together after that. We’ll also keep each other accountable
Build up the habit. Instead of diving straight into superman mode, I should build up a habit of thesising. This would start with an hour on the first day and gently build up until I was able to handle it without exerting massive amounts of willpower
Public accountability. I’ll be sharing a tiny update of one line at the end of each blog, just so that I’m forced to be publicly accountable.

I’ve adopted this approach, and am gently going to build momentum with my thesis.

And I’m less scared than I thought as I’d be. In fact, after starting today I’m already feeling more confident about the journey

Image is of the care pack that Kayleen got me for the start of my thesising. It includes everything from stationery to emergency chocolates and a tissues to bubbly to pop when I hand in 🙂 Thanks Kay!

Thesis update: 1 hour of work done today which included planning and some reading.

Blog 57/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on January 2, 2018 | Permalink

Building up, one brick at a time

As usual, on the 1st of January I’m overcome with the need to completely revamp my life. I feel the urge to set loads of massive goals: lose a bunch of weight, run everyday, journal everyday, eat healthy, work harder etc etc etc.

I’ve set goals like these before and they usually fall apart by the middle of January, once I step out of my fantasy world and back into reality. They last while there’s enough willpower to make them happen. But when that runs out, there’s nothing left to support them.

Today I read this post by Benjamin Hardy on why willpower doesn’t work, and it captured and enhanced my thinking on the topic. The basic premise is that we need to approach progress and success like we’re overcoming addiction.

To overcome an addiction, Hardy sets out two main requirements. First , you need to set goals that have a “why” or core purpose that you truly want to achieve. This removes the conflict that may come into place when faced with a temptation to stray. Secondly, the right environment needs to be in place, which may include investments, commitment devices, sharing it in public and installing accountability or feedback loops.

Doing this requires more than just writing a goal down. It requires measured, thought through planning, decision making and execution. In the same way we wouldn’t build a building by willing it into existence, the same can be said of our goals, habits and aspirations. It needs to be done properly, brick by brick.

My 2018 Goal

So, in light of this, I’ve set a single core goal for 2018 and have built structures around it to make sure it succeeds.

My goal is to meditate every day for the whole of 2018. I’ll be using Headspace to do so, as I’ve really enjoyed using it in the past. So that’s 365 meditation sessions by the end of the year.

My structures around this are as follows:

Investment: I’ve paid for the premium subscription, which is expensive but works out to less than R2 a day over the year
Making it public: well, here we are. It is available on my blog and will go out as soon as I click publish
Commitment device: I’ve made a bet with my friend Jared. If I do not reach this goal then I owe him a bottle of whiskey worth R2000. That means the cost of missing a single day is significant.
Accountability: Jared is my accountability partner. He’s made a similar bet with me for his own resolution, so we’re mutually accountable
Feedback: the app tracks the streak I’m on. Currently that streak is at 1 day.

Sustaining a habit for that long is difficult, but I’m certain that I will achieve it. The cost of not doing so has been set too high and my purpose for doing it is too strong.

By the end of this year, I know I’ll have achieved 365 meditations and 365 blog posts (and I’m already at post number 56).

What are you going to do this year? And more importantly, how will you make sure you get it done?

Image was taken in Greenpoint park this evening while I was out on a cycle 🙂

Blog 56/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on January 1, 2018 | Permalink

Reflecting on the bad

The practice of reflecting on experiences is easy to romanticise. We can imagine it to be almost like a movie montage, where all the good bits of the period we’re reflecting over are played back to us. There’s some nostalgic music, and the frames gently fade into one another.

The truth is that the value in reflecting comes from looking over the bad and the good. Looking over the good can be quite a pleasant experience. We get to re-live the happy moments and contemplate what has gone right.

But reflecting on the bad is more difficult. We’re forced to face our shortcomings, relive traumatic experiences and unpack our regrets. There’s more to learn here, but it comes with a high emotional burden.

My Year End Reflection

My thoughts around this have come about as a result of my current year end reflection, which I began a few days ago. This year has been an incredibly difficult one for me, and included many dark periods and negative events. Some of them lasted a few days, some of them lasted entire months.

It has made my reflective time quite painful, as I begin digging up all the emotions that I’ve buried throughout the year.

Don’t get me wrong, there has been a lot of really exciting and epic stuff that has happened this year. And that is easy to reconcile. But the dark times have made it a particularly tough year.

I read through my 2016 review and realised how vastly different last year was. I had a more balanced year, with less extreme events. And it made writing the year end review both a pleasant and easy experience.

I know that reflecting on 2017 is important, and that processing these emotions will ultimately leave me in a better space. So I’ll get through them, and clear the way for a better 2018.

Image was taken in January this year at UCT. The flowers are called Flame Lilies (Gloriousa Superba) and they flower in December/January. They remind me of Zim, as they are the country’s national flower. We also had some growing by our pool in Harare when we were younger

Blog 54/365. Read more about my #365of25 journey here

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Published by rspazzoli on December 30, 2017 | Permalink

The Hangout Spot

In “Friends” they had Central Perk

In “How I Met Your Mother” they had McLaren’s Pub

In “Seinfeld” they had Monks Cafe

In “The Simpsons” they have Moe’s Tavern

These spots were legendary in their respective shows. It was where the characters came together after a long day day and had some of their most important (and entertaining) dialogues.

We’ve got our spot too. It used to be The Great Wizoo before it closed down. But it’s the Randy Warthog in Greenpoint. It has become the place where the characters in my life series hang out.

It isn’t fancy. The food and drinks are cheap. The people are friendly. There is a pool. The atmosphere is great. And the friends are even greater.

It acts as a home base, where we can get together and catch up on what’s going on in each other’s lives. We don’t need to worry about how we dress or who’s gonna be there.

I know it isn’t going to be the hangout spot forever. But I think that throughout my life I’m going to make sure I have one like it wherever I go.

Image was taken this afternoon at the Randy Warthog 🐗

Blog 52/365

Published by rspazzoli on December 28, 2017 | Permalink

Pajama Day

When work gets really busy, as it does most of the year, I crave a pajama day. A day when I can just lie around with no obligations. A day when I can watch series, play PlayStation, eat, read and nap.

Today I got to have one of those days. But as usual, it wasn’t as great as I was expecting. In fact, I feel better going to bed after a hard days work than after a pajama day.

I know that flow theory predicts this outcome. What I don’t understand is why I can’t. This is despite many years of experiencing pajama days and having the academic grounding to forecast the results.

This isn’t limited to leisure days. I know I feel better after running, working, reading, meditating yet I struggle to get myself to do these things. I know I feel worse after extended naps, eating junk food and binge watching series, but again I will still indulge.

I think one of the most frustrating components of the human psyche for me is the gap between our thoughts and our actions. How we can have pretty good knowledge yet fail to use it.

Anyway, I’m gonna head back to the PlayStation, I have a trophy I need to win

Image is from a FIFA tournament I won earlier today

Blog 51/365

Published by rspazzoli on December 27, 2017 | Permalink

50 up! He raises his bat and points to the crowd!

Today is the 50th blog post of my #365of25 journey. It’s feels odd to have posted so many, as it seems like I’ve only just gotten started. At the same time, it has become such a habit of mine that I can’t imagine going to bed without posting.

When thinking about this post I remembered something from my school days. One of my goals every year since I was 8 or 9 was to score a 50 in a cricket game.

On a number of occasions I got close. A 42 here, a 38 there.

But I never got my 50, not even in high school.

I played a season of cricket at university but over five or six games I only totaled around 20 runs.

I never understood why I couldn’t get there. I had the ability… I could play some spectacular shots. I also practiced often, at home and at school.

Reflecting on this, I realized that it wasn’t my ability to play the ball that let me down. It was my temperament. I attempted to hit every ball I faced as hard as I could. I lacked the ability to build an innings with patience, to keep a steady head and to be consistent.

In some ways, I do the same in life. I go in hard at everything I do, which is great sometimes. But it prevents me from building up sustainable momentum. I approach all my work with the need to hit it out the park.

I think this is an area that I will begin actively working on in 2018. I need to manage my temperament and patiently build up my work as I go.

One day I’ll join a cricket club and work on my shots as well as my game mentality.

And one day I’ll raise my bat for my 50.

Image was taken at Newlands Stadium during a T20 match last year

Blog 50/365.

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Published by rspazzoli on December 26, 2017 | Permalink

Traditions: the old and the new

On Christmas Eve every year we watch Love Actually. The tradition started when we saw it at the cinemas on Christmas Eve in 2003, while on holiday in Australia.

My brother and I also have a tradition of listening to a particular Blink 182 song on Christmas Eve. The song is terrible, but we’ve listened to it every year since 2005, when we stumbled upon it on an old hard drive.

On Christmas Day we open presents and then have a Pandoro or Panettone, which are Italian Christmas cakes. We’ve done this as long as I can remember.

These traditions invoke feelings of nostalgia and bring back memories. They anchor us to our past, and reminds of us all the good bits of it. They’re an important part of us, and preserving them makes us feel like we have a bit more control and consistency over our experience of the world.

The New Traditions

However, each of these traditions happened for the first time at some point. They were once new. And one day we might not be able to keep our traditions going.

Sometimes it isn’t possible to maintain them. Sometimes the right people aren’t there. Sometimes we’re in the wrong place, emotionally or geographically.

But it’s okay.

Because we’ll develop new traditions. New ways to shape our realities. New ways to anchor our memories and sentiments.

And the new traditions will reflect more of who we are now. And the people we have in our lives.

So keep the old traditions when you can. But don’t be scared of the new ones. Because one day they’ll be worth just as much, if not more than the old ones

Image was taken at the Christmas Eve lunch with my cousins. My cousin’s daughter, Madison, is two months old. She’ll have many years ahead of her to develop her own traditions 🙂

Merry Christmas everyone! 🎄

Published by rspazzoli on December 24, 2017 | Permalink