One of my favourite concepts in psychology is that of “flow“. The term was coined by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi (how amazing is that surname?) in the 1980s and refers to the mental state where a person becomes fully immersed in what they’re doing. Furthermore, flow happens when the challenge a person is undertaking matches their skill. Csikszentmihaly has called it “the optimal state” and states that it is in this state that we are our happiest. His book called “Flow” is one of the best psychology books that I’ve read and his TED talk is a great intro to the topic. (I’ll probably have a post where I explore the topic more in depth soon).

Flow and Friends

I find that the best times spent with friends are when you’re able to engage in flow activities. For me these activities might include spending time together playing computer games, sports, or board games. Even conversations that are engaging and in depth would be considered as having “flow”.

And with one of my friends, the best flow activity is when we’re working on businesses together.

Alternatively, nonflow activities might be watching tv together, engaging in meaningless conversation or sitting around staring at our phones.

Shared Experience

Beyond being in the optimal state, taking part in challenging activities allows for the building of shared experience. This, combined with the quantity of time spent together, are the fundamental components of friendship.

So next time you’re planning on meeting up with a friend, don’t just go for coffee. Find an activity that you both enjoy and is sufficiently challenging and do that instead.

Image is from the Castle of Good Hope. I was there last week for a Brightest Young Minds reunion.

If you’d like to read another blog on building friendship, you can find one here.